Here's a link viidragon's blog: http://viidragon.wordpress.com/ (also posted at the sidebar →)
Heey yeobo, you fixed up your blog! Anyways, I shall now begin. I don't think this will come out harsher than Lazzaro's threat towards his enemies, but we'll see :D
When there's a will, there's way. But when there's Billy Pilgrim, there's Paul Lazzaro.
I mostly agree with everything you wrote. Yeah, that part about dog was pretty disturbing...you can't get sicker than that. His personality was one of those that really annoyed me. I mean, who has the time to plan out someone's death like that? And how much thinking, effort and even money it would require to plan that all out with the numerous enemies he has? Puh-lease, give me a break -.-
But one thing, I don't think he kills them at the happiest moment of their lives. He carries out his revenge at the time when they've live a long amount of years to forget about the threat the sickening Lazzaro vowed. But still, the fact that he'd spend so much time and energy carrying out revenges really boggles my mind... You'd think (not to be sexist), because he is a man after all, he'd just let the whole thing go and be a man about it instead of complaining and whining and even bragging (in a way) about how he'll torture and finish his enemies off. You're real mature, dude..
Yeah, totally agree with the caption on the picture. A person like that is totally not worth remembering...especially with such a disgusting and ugly personality *shudders*.
And if that is the actor portrayal of Lazzaro, LOL. I imagined him to be short and a "Pringle's" moustache and all macho looking but small... He almost looks scared and wimpy in the picture.
Yes, people with a hideous character like that aren't exactly the type to attract others begging to be friends with him..
Poo-tee-weet. Twitter, twitter.
Aww, that was adorable! Especially the title, very witty xD
But I thought you were going to talk about Twitter or something haha... Mhm, that was pretty much how I felt when the novel came to an end. When I finished, I was like, "That's it? You've got to be kidding..." But somehow, I felt that the ending was most appropriate, even with its lack of excitement. You can say it was a very Vonnegut ending...
I think why Vonnegut re-stated the death of Edgar Derby was to stay true to his repetition stance. Throughout the book, it was extremely evident of the saying "So it goes..." to the extent that he even used it when the champagne died...
But for me, although it gave Vonnegut an unique identity as an author, I really uncomfortable reading through those lines because he treated death so lightly. I've never experienced a loss of a loved one and I can't even imagine how painful that must feel to live through...
Through the quote, Vonnegut is telling readers to move on and not linger on the past for too long. But even though he may be referring to the topic of death, I don't think he should so casually pass it by. Back in the day, people used to mourn for their loved ones for a long time, sometimes even months! Death may not be considered to be something negative, but I don't think it should be so lightly taken and casually "thrown around."
I do acknowledge that as Vonnegut's style and at first, it was uncomfortable for me to see him just throw a "So it goes" to a person's death. But I have to admit, after a while, Vonnegut sorta desensitized it for me...
And so it goes...What would the man himself say?
I don't think he'd give an ant's poop. Seriously, it didn't seem like he cared much when critics all over the globe (kay, maybe not all over...) were hurling ridiculous insults at him and SH5, so why should he care bout this? I think he'd be slightly bemused and chuckle a bit, but that's it. After reading SH5, I've learned not to expect much from the guy. Or maybe he'll just repeat the same thing over and over again, ahah just kidding around. Yes it's true, when you've been through so much in your life (and he's lived quite a while), going though his mother's death, WWII, first-hand witnessed so many deaths, bombings, oh dear, I do sympathize towards him, not that he'd care. And I don't think it's he doesn't want to care...I don't think he can... After witnessing so much for the first three decades of your life, your views on things change. From the history lessons learned last year, wars kinda messes you up a bit, twists your mind and makes you view things differently, perceive things in a totally different way as before.
But I must say, he's quite the charming chap from the video! Haha..I thought the interview so very amusing. He was talking about the random-est things that had nothing to do with anything. But you don't expect anything from Vonnegut or you'll get disappointed, 'cause I don't think he'll respond to things the way people think he will. Man, this kinda makes me wish I read SH5 at an earlier date so I could go meet him or something... His views on things are so interesting o_o I definitely found him and SH5 intriguing and he definitely left a deep and memorable impression on me with this novel.
That's all I can write and hope you like the feedback. Btw, fun working with ya on the screenplay :D
liz :{D
Sunday 17 April 2011
final thoughts...
I decided to end my blogging with just my thoughts on SH5...enjoy this second-last post o_o
For me, the past three novels have created a dark setting while I was flipping through the seemingly never-ending pages. For 1984, my head was completely covered with black and depressing images. Not a hint of colour anywhere. Brave New World was a bit more bearable, since colours were even mentioned in the novel. Although it wasn't completely coloured with bright crayola markers, it still felt lighter and had a "happier" mood then 1984. But SH5, oh boy ohh boy. My mind is in complete mush. When I suddenly understood what was going on, Billy just HAD to conveniently time-travel to another part of his life. So you could say that throughout the novel, Vonnegut left me pretty confused. However, after re-reading a few confusing sections, I had a better understanding of the storyline.
What I really liked about this novel is the outline. It's like a puzzle, unsolved with the pieces all in the wrong places, but somehow still fits together, glued together with super-glue. It doesn't fit but it does at the same time. How amazing is that?
Although many will disagree with me on this, but I thought the beginning was incredible, although the ending was already given away. But then again, I'm the type of reader that when reading, flip to the end to assure my heart that the ending will turn out exactly as I had hoped. But still, all it did was tell you that at the end of the novel, a little birdy chirped. Not exactly a spoiler...
So the characters...they're a most interesting bunch I've ever read about. None of them were based on stereotypes, maybe except the blonde clerk Kilgore Trout was talking to at Billy's engagement party. They all had interesting personalities, not what I had expected (Then again, it's Vonnegut we're talking bout here..). Their characteristics range from different ends of the spectrum; to me, they seemed less realistic, probably due to the lack of connection I can relate to them. So this was a first...
Overall, this novel explored a different variety to characters, settings, and moods. Among it all is the theme of being "unstuck in time," discussed so often in the literary world.
I think this novel should be given more credit and recognition than it already has and should be much more appreciated for the genuine themes under all the confusion so it'll be less banned throughout the world (if it's available and banned elsewhere besides USA).
Maybe this is Vonnegut's way distinguishing the intelligent and the ones who claim to be intelligent. But I'll never know, and in the mean time, I'm gonna grab some yogurt to eat.
farewell my lovelies :{D (lol..that sounds creepy.. o_o)
liz
picture credit goes to http://animal-e.deviantart.com/
For me, the past three novels have created a dark setting while I was flipping through the seemingly never-ending pages. For 1984, my head was completely covered with black and depressing images. Not a hint of colour anywhere. Brave New World was a bit more bearable, since colours were even mentioned in the novel. Although it wasn't completely coloured with bright crayola markers, it still felt lighter and had a "happier" mood then 1984. But SH5, oh boy ohh boy. My mind is in complete mush. When I suddenly understood what was going on, Billy just HAD to conveniently time-travel to another part of his life. So you could say that throughout the novel, Vonnegut left me pretty confused. However, after re-reading a few confusing sections, I had a better understanding of the storyline.
What I really liked about this novel is the outline. It's like a puzzle, unsolved with the pieces all in the wrong places, but somehow still fits together, glued together with super-glue. It doesn't fit but it does at the same time. How amazing is that?
Although many will disagree with me on this, but I thought the beginning was incredible, although the ending was already given away. But then again, I'm the type of reader that when reading, flip to the end to assure my heart that the ending will turn out exactly as I had hoped. But still, all it did was tell you that at the end of the novel, a little birdy chirped. Not exactly a spoiler...
So the characters...they're a most interesting bunch I've ever read about. None of them were based on stereotypes, maybe except the blonde clerk Kilgore Trout was talking to at Billy's engagement party. They all had interesting personalities, not what I had expected (Then again, it's Vonnegut we're talking bout here..). Their characteristics range from different ends of the spectrum; to me, they seemed less realistic, probably due to the lack of connection I can relate to them. So this was a first...
Overall, this novel explored a different variety to characters, settings, and moods. Among it all is the theme of being "unstuck in time," discussed so often in the literary world.
I think this novel should be given more credit and recognition than it already has and should be much more appreciated for the genuine themes under all the confusion so it'll be less banned throughout the world (if it's available and banned elsewhere besides USA).
Maybe this is Vonnegut's way distinguishing the intelligent and the ones who claim to be intelligent. But I'll never know, and in the mean time, I'm gonna grab some yogurt to eat.
farewell my lovelies :{D (lol..that sounds creepy.. o_o)
liz
picture credit goes to http://animal-e.deviantart.com/
different is never a bad thing...
The older I get, the more I hear about this issue so I've decided to address it and relate it to SH5. Well actually to contrast SH5. This generation of teenagers grew up with technology. During our time, technology and gadgets such as computers, laptops, ipods, cellphones, cameras, TVs, etc. have became a major hit in the market and play a major role in our lives. For one, my phone never leaves my side (unless the battery died) and I don't know what I would do without my laptop. Because technology has became such a major part of our daily lives, we are also bombarded with media. Be it commercials on TVs, advertisements before a YouTube video, others beside your profile page on Facebook. Think about it. The second the iPAD2 came out, excitement was widely and quickly spread throughout the world. And within minutes, when it came to Canada, it was sold out completely in BestBuy. Another example; don't deny it, I'm pretty sure we all do it: You're creeping a friend on Facebook and see her/him with the coolest shoes/accessory/headphones/shirt/whatever and there's your old friend lust coming back. You want it. So next time you see those Beats hanging lavishly at the window display and what do you do? You walk in, grab 'em before anyone else can and they're yours (after you pay for them, of course). It's called fitting in, doing what others' do. Even though you'd shake your head and deny it and saying "I got my own style, blah blah blah," where did you SEE those whatever-you-want first? Commericials? Billboards? Heard it on the radio? Saw it in a movie and wanted them so bad? Whatever it is, if you want something that was
Take Urban Planet/Bluenotes for example. Those "Free Hug" sweaters, oh man, you don't know how many I saw while walking down Massey hallways. Yeah, you got it 'cause you think they're cute but so did that other girl in your friend's Chemistry class. Although you may not think it's "fitting in," the fact that they made those sweaters and shirts cute and witty also made you fit in, since a bunch of other girls bought them also. So you never really had a choice in it.
And how is this contrasting to Billy Pilgrim? Because, Billy could care less about fitting in. Sure, he was rich and "fitted in" with the rich people of Ilium (made-up city located in NY), but I don't know bout you, sharing his thoughts about green aliens with a single eye on their hands doesn't exactly "fit" him in. But it's not like he just sat there was like "Yup, mhm, that's what I believe in, and I'm just gonna keep on believing and not do anything bout it." No man, he went all the way to NYC to express his thoughts on the radio and bravely showcased his thoughts on saucers at a stadium in Chicago, which then led to him getting shot by a laser gun by a hit man Lazarro hired.
I was extremely fed up with 'the Billy' and how he acted during WWII. But after his daughter's wedding and the encounter with the Tralfamadorians, I completely turned 360 degrees and have a new, profound respect for the guy. I think people who have a different opinion about certain things and don't voice 'em, you're pathetic. It may be harsh, but what good is it just letting that phenomenal voice rot within yourself? Let it shine through, no matter how dumb you might think it sounds.
Getting those hip off-the-shoulder tops aren't a bad thing if you like them. But wasting money just to fit in and show the world you're one of them is really pathetic. Don't do it. When I was little and really wanted those new Barbie dolls or whatever (sorry, can't think of a more interesting example), my mom would say, if the whole world jumped off a bridge, would you do it too? So, don't be of this world.
Take Urban Planet/Bluenotes for example. Those "Free Hug" sweaters, oh man, you don't know how many I saw while walking down Massey hallways. Yeah, you got it 'cause you think they're cute but so did that other girl in your friend's Chemistry class. Although you may not think it's "fitting in," the fact that they made those sweaters and shirts cute and witty also made you fit in, since a bunch of other girls bought them also. So you never really had a choice in it.
And how is this contrasting to Billy Pilgrim? Because, Billy could care less about fitting in. Sure, he was rich and "fitted in" with the rich people of Ilium (made-up city located in NY), but I don't know bout you, sharing his thoughts about green aliens with a single eye on their hands doesn't exactly "fit" him in. But it's not like he just sat there was like "Yup, mhm, that's what I believe in, and I'm just gonna keep on believing and not do anything bout it." No man, he went all the way to NYC to express his thoughts on the radio and bravely showcased his thoughts on saucers at a stadium in Chicago, which then led to him getting shot by a laser gun by a hit man Lazarro hired.
I was extremely fed up with 'the Billy' and how he acted during WWII. But after his daughter's wedding and the encounter with the Tralfamadorians, I completely turned 360 degrees and have a new, profound respect for the guy. I think people who have a different opinion about certain things and don't voice 'em, you're pathetic. It may be harsh, but what good is it just letting that phenomenal voice rot within yourself? Let it shine through, no matter how dumb you might think it sounds.
Getting those hip off-the-shoulder tops aren't a bad thing if you like them. But wasting money just to fit in and show the world you're one of them is really pathetic. Don't do it. When I was little and really wanted those new Barbie dolls or whatever (sorry, can't think of a more interesting example), my mom would say, if the whole world jumped off a bridge, would you do it too? So, don't be of this world.
credit to http://rainbow-onyx.deviantart.com/
peace out,
liz :{D
I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby I was born this waay
I decided to use the "alternate blog topic" for one of my 6-9: http://slaughterhouseeleven.blogspot.com/2011/04/alternate-blog-topic.html
Vonnegut did not display any outward criticism or ridicule towards the German soldiers in SH5. Instead, the more apparent ridicule was towards the American soldier who betrayed his own country for the German. I think Vonnegut is more "against" (if that is the proper word) people who betray their own country for another. Maybe the character of Howard Campbell was to symbolize Vonnegut's grandparents who feel ashamed for their own heritage and culture. Although Campbell did not outrightly say that he was ashamed of being American, he was definitely assimilated into the German culture and beliefs which outraged the American prisoners and caused Edgar Derby to angrily yell at him for betraying his country and turning into a traitor, which I don't blame Derby. The Germans done many unjustified and incredibly cruel and inhumane things towards the Jews, but the Americans also bombed an entire city and dropped two atomic bombs on two Japanese cities. I'm not trying to justify the Germans' role in WWII, but that both the Alliance and the Axis Powers done some pretty messed and stupid things in the war. So why feel good to be an American? Does it make a difference? If the Vonnegut family were born American and moved to Germany, will they feel ashamed to be American and try to assimilate into the greater culture? Why do they need to feel the need to hide their identity? Sure, I feel ashamed that the Chinese government obliterated thousands of its own citizens in the Beijing 1989 Massacre, and there are many other policies of the Chinese government that I'm strongly against, but that doesn't make me hate myself for being Chinese and want to assimilate into a different culture... I'm not gonna change my identity or hide myself because of that...
Anyways, throughout the novel, Vonnegut did not attack or bash out on the Germans, however, he also did not sympathize with them either. He wasn't even sitting on the fence, he pretty much didn't voice his opinion of it. Not like he was trying to avoid it, just presenting what he saw and what experienced the way it is: without bias or opinions. Because the whole point of the novel is not about war, he established that in the first chapter. The whole point writing of SH5 was to aggrandize the stupidity and uselessness of war, and how humans can't get away from it. Like really.. You really need to start another disagreement to solve a disagreement?
And I think people who try to hide their culture and their identity should feel ashamed of themselves. You were made just the way you are (Bruno Mars haha) and everything was created for a reason, even that rock you tripped over. Everything was decided for you even before you were born, so why would you even want to change that? No one's perfect, but everyone was made the most perfect way they were (I don't know if that makes sense...) so WHY FEEL ASHAMED?
Which reminds me of Lady Gaga's Born this Way, which I think all teenage audience are too familiar with.
Vonnegut did not display any outward criticism or ridicule towards the German soldiers in SH5. Instead, the more apparent ridicule was towards the American soldier who betrayed his own country for the German. I think Vonnegut is more "against" (if that is the proper word) people who betray their own country for another. Maybe the character of Howard Campbell was to symbolize Vonnegut's grandparents who feel ashamed for their own heritage and culture. Although Campbell did not outrightly say that he was ashamed of being American, he was definitely assimilated into the German culture and beliefs which outraged the American prisoners and caused Edgar Derby to angrily yell at him for betraying his country and turning into a traitor, which I don't blame Derby. The Germans done many unjustified and incredibly cruel and inhumane things towards the Jews, but the Americans also bombed an entire city and dropped two atomic bombs on two Japanese cities. I'm not trying to justify the Germans' role in WWII, but that both the Alliance and the Axis Powers done some pretty messed and stupid things in the war. So why feel good to be an American? Does it make a difference? If the Vonnegut family were born American and moved to Germany, will they feel ashamed to be American and try to assimilate into the greater culture? Why do they need to feel the need to hide their identity? Sure, I feel ashamed that the Chinese government obliterated thousands of its own citizens in the Beijing 1989 Massacre, and there are many other policies of the Chinese government that I'm strongly against, but that doesn't make me hate myself for being Chinese and want to assimilate into a different culture... I'm not gonna change my identity or hide myself because of that...
Anyways, throughout the novel, Vonnegut did not attack or bash out on the Germans, however, he also did not sympathize with them either. He wasn't even sitting on the fence, he pretty much didn't voice his opinion of it. Not like he was trying to avoid it, just presenting what he saw and what experienced the way it is: without bias or opinions. Because the whole point of the novel is not about war, he established that in the first chapter. The whole point writing of SH5 was to aggrandize the stupidity and uselessness of war, and how humans can't get away from it. Like really.. You really need to start another disagreement to solve a disagreement?
And I think people who try to hide their culture and their identity should feel ashamed of themselves. You were made just the way you are (Bruno Mars haha) and everything was created for a reason, even that rock you tripped over. Everything was decided for you even before you were born, so why would you even want to change that? No one's perfect, but everyone was made the most perfect way they were (I don't know if that makes sense...) so WHY FEEL ASHAMED?
Which reminds me of Lady Gaga's Born this Way, which I think all teenage audience are too familiar with.
Sorry Gaga, but I like Navi and ST's version better. Anyways, even if your country makes a bunch of mistakes that shames its citizens, why change your identity? Change the identity of your country instead and change it for the better instead of running away and hiding elsewhere. Don't be a coward. One thing I learned from Billy, after the encounter/kidnapping occasion with the Tralfamadorians, one thing he got out of it, to be braver and stand up for his ideas, no matter how crazy they seem. Hey, he thought it was right and put up a good fight for it too. Although I thought it was whack, he had the guts to say what was on his mind and not be ashamed to meet the Tralfamadorians. Even if you're ashamed of what your culture did, stand up for what you think is right and change what others think. Even if it might be right, at least people will give you props for the guts. I'ma leave it off with the chorus of this song:
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes.
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
here's a picture summing it all up: (credit goes to http://this-is-the-life2905.deviantart.com/)
liz
Friday 15 April 2011
untitled, 'cause I don't know what to title this
I felt a haiku
would be just right for this post.
Enjoy this haiku.
It's not about war,
Only to reveal the truth.
But most cannot hear.
would be just right for this post.
Enjoy this haiku.
It's not about war,
Only to reveal the truth.
But most cannot hear.
stay strong
I still remember that night...when they called. It was cold and silent in the house and the telephone rang like a death bell.
"...Hello?" I whispered, too frightened to make a noise any louder than that.
There was crying on the other line...
"Hello? Hello?" My voice grew more frantic.
"Ss-sophh-iee pas-ass-edd a-aawa-ay..." The words were interrupted by sobs.
My heart sank. I couldn't believe this was happening...the more real it seemed, the more tears fell from my eyes. Sophie became my step-sister when I was thirteen, and I hated her; more than anything, especially when it was her and her dad that caused my real family to be broken like this. I wanted her to get out of my life, and now God had granted me that wish. But now, I loved her, she was a dear sister to me. No matter how much hate I fumed towards her, she'd always return a greater amount of love. And that made me hate her even more...how optimistic and happy she always was. She made fast friends at my high school, every night, the phone would always be ringing for Sophie, and not me. And what annoyed me the most is Mom, who always says, "Look at darling Sophie, why can't you be more obedient and helpful as her?"
But all this hatred changed when just three years ago, we found out that she was diagnosed with a disease... spinocerebellar ataxia, which caused her to lose all control over her body. As time passed, she got worse and in time, she lost the ability to talk...
I dropped the phone and it dangled hopelessly against the wall.
I dizzily walked up to my room and collapsed on my bed, where I shed tears...for a very long time.
My eyes were blurred, I blink the tears away. I was outside, lying outside on the backyard, while the heavy rain splatters ruthlessly on my face. It was a storm in my head too...when I received the devastating news: Sophie was diagnosed with spinocerebellar ataxia. Mom came home crying and refused to leave her room. But what upsets me the most is that Sophie...she's always so positive about things. And this time, it's no different; she came home, even smiling, and assuring that everything is alright. I yelled at her, called her stupid to be so happy to have this stupid disease. I told her she was the weirdest person and the most annoying person I've ever met. And I also told her I hated her and wanted her out of my life.
But I didn't mean any of that...
My heart was in pieces...just this February we began to bond and actually became sisters. We would stay up late every night, talking and laughing. But all this changed. She was to be admitted into a hospital in less than a month...I'll barely see her again...
"Luce, come in, you'll catch a cold like this." I turned. It was Sophie, she was holding an umbrella, her face pleading me to come in. I turned away coldly and looked up at the stormy clouds raining sadness on my face.
"Luce...don't be like this. I have to stay strong during this time of my life and fight this...I can't give up, I won't. I'm not going to lose without this battle. You-"
The scene changed. It was brighter and I was sitting on a chair, facing Sophie, who was sitting on a hospital bed, with teary eyes, falling uncontrollably down my cheeks, one after the other...
"You need to be brave and stay strong for me, kay Luce?" Taking my hands in hers, she smiled.
I nodded, sniffling.
"Kay," she smiled even brighter, then continued, "Love you Luce, you're the best sister and friend I can ever have."
I can't believe how she can still forgive and love me even after all the rude and hurtful things I hurled at her. I've made her life miserable for so long and yet she can still love me and acknowledge me as her sister?
I sniffed and replied back shakily, "Love you too Sophe, but please, don't leave me in this place alone..."
She smiled, "I won't, I'll always be here with you." We both knew that physically, that wasn't going to be the case. She lost the ability to walk already and can barely feed herself. Her words were getting plainer and shorter and the doctor said that soon, she'll start losing the ability to talk and write. But my heart felt assured anyways. I watched tearfully as the nurses wheeled her out for her weekly check-up. Waving goodbye, her smile was as brilliant as ever. I've never seen a more beautiful person than that...she was an angel sent to care for me from heaven.
I walked down the hospital corridor, trying not to think depressing thoughts. But as much as Sophie comforts me, my heart still felt lonely. All this was too unbearable but I'm gonna fight through it to the end, with my sister.
Hope you enjoyed the read!
liz :{D
p.s.: I decided to write another one cuz I didn't like the other one...heh (and the disease was inspiration from the japanese drama (haven't watched it), One Litre of Tears)
"...Hello?" I whispered, too frightened to make a noise any louder than that.
There was crying on the other line...
"Hello? Hello?" My voice grew more frantic.
"Ss-sophh-iee pas-ass-edd a-aawa-ay..." The words were interrupted by sobs.
My heart sank. I couldn't believe this was happening...the more real it seemed, the more tears fell from my eyes. Sophie became my step-sister when I was thirteen, and I hated her; more than anything, especially when it was her and her dad that caused my real family to be broken like this. I wanted her to get out of my life, and now God had granted me that wish. But now, I loved her, she was a dear sister to me. No matter how much hate I fumed towards her, she'd always return a greater amount of love. And that made me hate her even more...how optimistic and happy she always was. She made fast friends at my high school, every night, the phone would always be ringing for Sophie, and not me. And what annoyed me the most is Mom, who always says, "Look at darling Sophie, why can't you be more obedient and helpful as her?"
But all this hatred changed when just three years ago, we found out that she was diagnosed with a disease... spinocerebellar ataxia, which caused her to lose all control over her body. As time passed, she got worse and in time, she lost the ability to talk...
I dropped the phone and it dangled hopelessly against the wall.
I dizzily walked up to my room and collapsed on my bed, where I shed tears...for a very long time.
My eyes were blurred, I blink the tears away. I was outside, lying outside on the backyard, while the heavy rain splatters ruthlessly on my face. It was a storm in my head too...when I received the devastating news: Sophie was diagnosed with spinocerebellar ataxia. Mom came home crying and refused to leave her room. But what upsets me the most is that Sophie...she's always so positive about things. And this time, it's no different; she came home, even smiling, and assuring that everything is alright. I yelled at her, called her stupid to be so happy to have this stupid disease. I told her she was the weirdest person and the most annoying person I've ever met. And I also told her I hated her and wanted her out of my life.
But I didn't mean any of that...
My heart was in pieces...just this February we began to bond and actually became sisters. We would stay up late every night, talking and laughing. But all this changed. She was to be admitted into a hospital in less than a month...I'll barely see her again...
"Luce, come in, you'll catch a cold like this." I turned. It was Sophie, she was holding an umbrella, her face pleading me to come in. I turned away coldly and looked up at the stormy clouds raining sadness on my face.
"Luce...don't be like this. I have to stay strong during this time of my life and fight this...I can't give up, I won't. I'm not going to lose without this battle. You-"
The scene changed. It was brighter and I was sitting on a chair, facing Sophie, who was sitting on a hospital bed, with teary eyes, falling uncontrollably down my cheeks, one after the other...
"You need to be brave and stay strong for me, kay Luce?" Taking my hands in hers, she smiled.
I nodded, sniffling.
"Kay," she smiled even brighter, then continued, "Love you Luce, you're the best sister and friend I can ever have."
I can't believe how she can still forgive and love me even after all the rude and hurtful things I hurled at her. I've made her life miserable for so long and yet she can still love me and acknowledge me as her sister?
I sniffed and replied back shakily, "Love you too Sophe, but please, don't leave me in this place alone..."
She smiled, "I won't, I'll always be here with you." We both knew that physically, that wasn't going to be the case. She lost the ability to walk already and can barely feed herself. Her words were getting plainer and shorter and the doctor said that soon, she'll start losing the ability to talk and write. But my heart felt assured anyways. I watched tearfully as the nurses wheeled her out for her weekly check-up. Waving goodbye, her smile was as brilliant as ever. I've never seen a more beautiful person than that...she was an angel sent to care for me from heaven.
I walked down the hospital corridor, trying not to think depressing thoughts. But as much as Sophie comforts me, my heart still felt lonely. All this was too unbearable but I'm gonna fight through it to the end, with my sister.
Hope you enjoyed the read!
liz :{D
p.s.: I decided to write another one cuz I didn't like the other one...heh (and the disease was inspiration from the japanese drama (haven't watched it), One Litre of Tears)
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